Most of you that know me, understand that I love pizza more than most things. Like boys or oxygen or money (which can be problematic because most people wont barter for pizza).
Anywho, I came across this gem on the interwebs and I knew it couldn’t be ignored.
I introduce to you, possibly the most incredible poem of the modern society.
World, meet Creepy Pizza. Creepy Pizza, world.
Creepy Pizza by Neal Levin
I’d like a pizza topped with cheese
then sprinkled with some gnats and fleas,
some centipedes and slimy slugs,
and other creepy, crawly bugs.
I want to add some fingernails
and oyster ooze and crunchy snails
and chicken bones and spoiled meat
and smelly socks from dirty feet.
I want it topped with lots of mold
and gooey boogers (not too old),
a lot of snot, a little spit,
and guts with grimy, grainy grit.
I want the most disgusting crust
with spider webs and day-old dust
and dirt and mud and blood and gore
delivered to my sister’s door.
Text © Neal Levin, reprinted from Dinner with Dracula, published by Meadowbrook Press.
About the Author
Neal Levin is a freelance children’s writer from southeastern Michigan (outside of Detroit). He has written poems and stories for a number of magazines and anthologies. “Creepy Pizza” first appeared in the book Dinner With Dracula (Meadowbrook Press), a book of funny, spooky poems edited by Bruce Lansky. Neal’s work has also been included in Caroline Kennedy’s recent collection Poems To Learn By Heart (Disney/Hyperion) and Chicken Soup For the Soul: Think Positive For Kids. His favorite pizza toppings in real life are mushrooms and onions. Check out his website!
Huge thank you to Neal Levin who was a wonderful sport when I reached out and wanted to feature his poem. He thankfully said yes and now we can all enjoy a slice of creepy pizza. Thank you Neal!
So I have to ask. What would you put on YOUR creepy pizza?