ZARF: It’s to keep your fingers from burning off while you drink your potion.

YEW TREE: For the inner demon-child in you. Or it.

XANTHIPPE STATUE: To honor and welcome the inner banshee in all of us.

WIDOW’S WALK: I feel like it’s less awful than it sounds. Kind of like a mini-lighthouse on top of your home.

VOMITORIUM: Not as bad as it sounds. It’s just that exit way leading out of an amphitheater.

UCALEGON: Because nothing says “Welcome Home!” like a neighbor whose house is on fire.

TILBURY: Because so much is riding on your zebras.

SOLARIUM: AKA Greenhouse, orangery, or sunroom. It’s like an oven for your whole body.

RUINS: Better yet, underwater ruins at the bottom of my private lake with an underground river that connects to my basement poolbrary (See NATATORIUM, below).

QUARTREFOIL: These were hidden all over my hometown. I’m still convinced they were portals to a pocket universe.

PORTICULLIS: This is NOT what I pictured this word to look like. I’d call it deathfence.

OCCULUS: I cannot count the number of nightmares these windows give me.

NATATORIUM: And if it was drained like this basement one, I’d fill the shallow end with books and the deep end with pillows. My poolbrary.

MOTHERHOOD HELPER: I don’t know the name for it, but sign me up.

LANTERN: I don’t know what it lanterns but I want eighteen of them.

KEWPIE DOLL: Just kidding. These are the stuff of nightmares.

JIGGUMBOB: No thank you, please.

HALLWAY: Sometimes you should stay in your room.

GARRET: Like an attic, but worse because you’re convinced it will tidy up nicely for a fifth bedroom.

FRIENDSHIP BALLS: AKA Gazing Balls, Looking Balls, or Butler Balls.

ENFILADE: A series of adjoining rooms in which the doors align and you’ll probably get stabbed.

DOVCOTE: Where the doves go.

CUPOLA: Like a belvedere only more so.

BELVEDERE: Not just an 80’s butler, but so much more than a cupola.

ANTEROOM: You can wait here. You can wait here and you can like it.