As most of you know, children are kind of disgusting. They grow INSIDE another person, FFS. They come into the world screaming and covered in goop, and that’s just the beginning. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my tiny human. He is my teenie best friend and I wouldn’t trade one second with him for the world. But he is, for lack of a better word, a little bit gross.
Some of my favourite horror movies of all time are speckled with creepy kidlets. So in honour of Thanksgiving and kids everywhere, here are some terrifying tots I’m thankful for this year.
The Pet Semetary – Gage:
Whenever someone mentions creepy kids, my brain instantly goes to Gage, the tiny, scalpel-weilding toddler from The Pet Semetary. I can still remember the first time I watched that movie; the heartbreaking shoe on the road, the yowling cat, the shovel….don’t even get me started on the last half an hour. It gives me chills just thinking of it. Post-burial Gage is a horrific little hellion who haunted my dreams for months after I met him…and I loved him for it.
Even the cat is creepy.
The Shining – The Grady Twins:
Any self-respecting horror fan will automatically know who I’m talking about when I say, “Those creepy-ass twins.” Even in their matching dresses, the Grady girl’s blank stares are enough to scare even the bravest of us.
The Omen – Damien:
Though he’s only five-years-old, Damien is one bad egg…I mean, he is the antichrist, after all. Damien made me so freaked out that I hit the call button EVERY single time I found an air bubble in my IV line…and this was literally a month ago. And honestly, the side-eye he gives the camera when he holds the POTUS’ hand? Too real, man. Too real.
Worst. Party. Ever.
Kyra Collins – The Sixth Sense:
My parents let me watch this when I was in grade six. I loved it (and was super smug that I was the only one allowed to watch it). Six hours later, I woke up having to pee, but couldn’t because Mischa Barton was under my bed. I stayed up reading my children’s bible until six am, blubbering into my pillows.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
I could go on and on (I didn’t even touch on Children of the Corn), but I have some shopping to do. Happy Thanksgiving!